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Mon, Jun. 1st, 2009, 11:34 pm

I. Am. Exhausted. Yesterday Shelby and I picked up her friend, Kate, and headed to the zoo for the day. We played in splash park, played on the playground, rode the merry-go-round twice, and the train.

Today the train derailed and flipped on it's side, injuring 18 people. We won't be riding it again.

Wednesday night my friends' band is playing at the bar/restaurant next door to me. I hardly ever get to see them play because of the time or location or no funds, etc. I decided to give myself an early birthday present and go see them Wednesday and then take the day off on Thursday and sleep in, watch movies and pretty much just recharge.

My sister, Patti, agreed to let Shelby spend the night Wednesday night. I told her to just take Shelby to the sitter's when they woke up on Thursday. She asked what I was doing Thursday and I said "taking a mental health day". I then got a lecture (if you've been following my journal for any length of time you know which control freak sister I'm talking about). Apparently moms don't get days off and I can't afford to pay for a babysitter when I'm not working, blah blah blah.

Correct me if I'm wrong . . .am I not allowed to take time for myself? True, my sisters usually take Shelby for a few hours each week, and an average of 1-2 overnights a month. The majority of the time that I am without Shelby is for a specific reason: bible studies, cleaning or decluttering, volunteering, running errands, etc. I always feel like I'm rushed to get back and pick Shelby up. I'm never able to just relax.

Now I'm considering not even taking off Thursday because Patti is going to be expecting me to come get Shelby as soon as I get up. And if I don't, then I guess I'm a bad, irresponsible mom. I know that I'm not, but I feel like that's the way she looks at me. And it pisses me off.

On an up note - I found a diabetic recipe for Sangria! No sugar spikes. Bring it on!

Zoo pics for your viewing pleasureCollapse )

Mon, May. 25th, 2009, 10:34 am
Random thoughts

I have never considered myself a feminist. I guess one could argue that every woman is a feminist, I've just never really identified with that label. Looking back I see that I lived a lot of my life with blinders on, not really worrying about those outside of my direct line of sight. As long as the ripple didn't reach me, I didn't put too much thought into things like women's rights and discrimination.

Over the years my views have broadened a lot, and have been strengthened by the birth of my daughter. I want the world for her. Nothing is out of reach. She can do whatever she puts her mind to. But sadly, in 2009 that is still not the case.

A woman at my work sent an office-wide email yesterday damning Obama for signing the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act of 2009. Because of it, a client of hers was being sued in Federal Court over a case that they had previously won at the EEOC level. I had never heard of Lilly Ledbetter, so I looked it up . . .and was appalled that this WOMAN (mother of 3 young GIRLS) could in any way construe this as a bad thing.

Forget about your client. Think about your daughters. This woman is already struggling in the male dominated industry we're in. At our office we have what I usually refer to as The Boys Club. Every meeting or event is full of their pompous speeches filled with inside jokes, every sunny afternoon is a good day for golfing, and the only people with window offices have penises.

If being upset over this makes me a feminist . . . then meet me out back in 15 minutes to burn our bras!

Has anyone seen the ads for Abilify? Its an anti-depressant with a list of horrible side effects as long as my arm. Their slogan is "When your anti-depressant just isn't enough". Basically, if you're still depressed . . .take this Death Pill. Similar to the Death Star, but smaller.

Wed, May. 20th, 2009, 01:12 pm

Last night Shelby asked me what I thought she would be when she grew up. I told her as long as she tried her best, worked hard, and did the right things she could be anything she wanted to be. She said "Can I be a girl on a TV show?" I said sure, I think you would be good at it. Then she said, "Yeah, I could tell knock knock jokes!" As far as I know, she only knows two, so it will be a short show.

Come join my pity party!Collapse )

Wed, May. 13th, 2009, 01:18 pm

Man, I haven't posted in a while. I've been really busy with work, Shelby, cleaning, church and other volunteer opportunities. I was hoping to have pics to post, but have decided I don't like my camera. It was a Christmas present and I'm grateful to have a camera at all, but it drives me nuts. There is a horrible delay once you press the button, see the flash and the picture capture - which means I end up missing every good shot! Been searching craigslist for an inexpensive replacement of decent quality, but so far no luck.

Shelby is more and more grown-up every day. It seems I am always exhausted. I've been trying to declutter my home and have ended up turning the place upside down and now have to maneuver through piles of clothes and toys to walk. But I see a light at the end of the tunnel . . .I'm going for the Japanese/minimalist/second-hand store look.

Wed, Apr. 22nd, 2009, 03:04 pm


This is Shelby and her friend, Danny. Danny is one month older than Shelby. His dad works with my brother-in-law and him and Shelby have become fast friends since last Summer. Danny even tells people he has a girlfriend named Shelby!

Danny's parents are older (47 & 53) and Danny is their only child. Monday they took him to the doctor because of a rash and swollen glands and loss of appetite, thinking it was a virus. They did some blood work and sent them home with an antibiotic, then 2 hours later called and said for them to get to Kosair Children's hospital right away.

Danny has Leukemia.

Yesterday morning they did a bone marrow biopsy. This morning they did surgery to put a port in Danny's chest for the chemo he will start tonight. The doctors say he has a 61% chance of survival, although I don't know how they calculate those numbers.

Danny's parents are from Ohio and have no family here, so everyone in my family is getting tested to see if any of us are a match for a bone marrow transplant.

In a matter of 24 hours this poor family's life has been turned upside down and will never be the same again. I'm just sick over it. I always say that everything happens for a reason, even if we don't understand it at the time, but I don't get this.

Mon, Apr. 6th, 2009, 08:51 am
Friends Cut

I just made a pretty big friends cut. It's nothing personal, no one has upset me or anything like that. It's just that I can barely keep up with everyone and feel like I end up skimming journals.

I may add people back later, especially once I get the internet at home again. Right now I am short on time and energy and am trying to simplify my life.

Fri, Mar. 20th, 2009, 01:02 pm

I'm getting anxious about the reunion. Almost have myself talked out of going to the big dinner, just meeting a handful of close friends for lunch. Besides the anxiety, I also don't have the money to eat out twice tomorrow, especially at the place where the dinner is being held.

Saw my doctor yesterday and he is adding Welbutrin to the cocktail mix of drugs I'm already taking. I'm hoping it lifts me out of this funk.

Work has been a catastrophe lately. Good review, bad raise (14 cents), crazy boss, corporate red tape and B.S., etc. I have to have my job, so I will grin and bear it.

Oh well, Happy First Day of Spring, everyone.

Thu, Mar. 19th, 2009, 08:58 am

I took a mental health day yesterday. I've had a bad case of Spring Fever and the weather yesterday was absolutely gorgeous. I left work at 12:30, picked up Shelby and headed to the Zoo. It did wonders for my attitude.

Work has been a disaster. My boss has lost her mind and been acting crazy and moody and weird. Got a great review, though - but only a 1 1/2% raise. I almost wanted to tell them if they needed their money that much . .just keep it.

Going back to my doctor today for 3 month follow up. Going to talk to him about a different anti-depressant or adding something or something. Haven't been feeling too great lately.

Disgusted with how I look. My skin is so pale and pasty. I've usually got a pretty good base tan by now, but alas, had to stop my Sun Tan City visits this year (no lectures on skin cancer please) due to lack of funds. I know it sounds vain, but I always feel better with a tan. I've also gained quite a bit of weight, but luckily most of my Spring/Summer stuff from last year still fits. My hair is a mess, my eyebrows need a good waxing and my feet are a rough, hideous mess.

I still haven't made a decision on Shelby's preschool yet. I can't deal with that until I get her on some kind of regular sleep schedule. She is KILLING me. I'm exhausted every day and she never seems to run out of energy.

My 20 year high school reunion is this weekend, which is one reason I'm probably feeling so down. I have two good friends coming in from out of town. I think we may skip the official festivities and just get together with "our group" from school.

Tue, Feb. 24th, 2009, 11:41 am
Pre-school problems . . .

This is my first experience with pre-schools and registering and all that. In the county I live in, the public schools offer a 3 & 4 year old program. It is free - to those who qualify financially, and tuition-based for those who don't.

Of course, I don't qualify. They gave me a list of schools with the tuition-based program and prices, but none of the schools are convenient for me (as far as before and after school care), and they are almost as expensive as some of the private schools around town.

There is one private school about two blocks from my work (run by a Lutheran church). It is comparable in price to the public schools, and for $25 more a week I can drop Shelby off at 7:45 in the morning. She will get out at 3pm, so I might be able to work something out with Karen to pick her up and keep her until I get off at 4:30.

I spoke to my lawyer and he said I can withdraw some funds from Shelby's trust to help with some of the expenses. If I could pay for half of it with that, I would be saving money in the long run - compared to what I am paying Karen for a full week now.

My other option is to see if there is any financial aid offered at any of the Montessori schools in town.

This is all new to me and frustrating. I spent 3 hours yesterday getting the run around and making calls and filling out paperwork.

skipped back 10